HOW TO HAVE A LASTING RELATIONSHIP

 Most people choose the wrong partner, then wonder why they break up in a few years; or worse,
are unhappy for decades in a bad relationship! If you do everything recommended in earlier
chapters, you have a good chance: Create a Wish List; Pare the Wish List down to a Non-
Negotiable List; Go to the right places to meet people; Initiate Contact; Interrogate your partner
BEFORE falling in love.

 The most important think to look for is COMPATIBILITY. While it’s true that opposites attract,
they rarely stay together. The excitement of the opposite sex is that they are opposite. But once
the excitement wanes, which is the normal progression of most relationships, if there is no
compatibility there is no happiness. Good sex can mask a bad relationship, but eventually you
have to take a pause from physical interaction and find out if you are really right for each other.

Compatibility should be in two primary areas:

1. Values. For example, If you are religious and your partner is not, the relationship is unlikely to
succeed. Or if your religious values are opposite each other, things are not going to work long-
term. Political values can also be important. A conservative Republican may not get along well
with a progressive Democrat.  

2. Communication style. Research reveals that you have to have the same communication
style to be compatible. There are three styles:
Avoiders (who do not discuss disagreements, but
rather sweep them under the carpet);
Compromisers (who discuss disagreements calmly and
work out a solution that works for both);
Fighters (who fight like cats and dogs but then kiss and
make up and have mad passionate sex). Mixing these three styles does not work! If you ask most
people which type they prefer, most prefer
Compromisers. However, if you are a Fighter, you will
never be happy with a
Compromiser. Fighters should choose Fighters. Just don’t forget to duck!
Likewise,
Avoiders will never be happy with a Compromiser. The Compromiser will want to discuss
their problems; the
Avoiders will say, “What problems?” It just doesn’t work.

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